evanesce.

I really like trying to find poetry challenges online, but for some reason I don't care to share my writing with those communities. Probably because i don't really like much of what I write. I never really know until after i write it and read it a few times. Sometimes i like it, sometimes I tweak it, and sometimes it's just shit and i try and try to like it, but eventually i delete it because its unlikeable. but i digress... once upon a time i had disordered eating habits. I also was a compulsive exerciser. I did those things because my life was out of control. I was depressed and unhappy in almost every aspect of it, so I made goals that I knew i could attain and it became my focus, my power. And I was good at it. Certain things in my life made my unhealthy habits worse (or better depending on how you view it); my childhood, college, marriage, and being robbed and assaulted at gunpoint etc. Anyhow that's where this came from...



163 and free
But you see my frightened female frame
So I
compress
condense
constrict
contract
restrict
to 142
a matrimonial merger
I am still full and flawed
Territorial expanse
Taking up space
Still can’t erase this place
I’m in
When I see you staring, glaring
Daring to make out shapes and forms
Hips
Breasts
So I fade...
coalesce to evanesce
but I digress to 122
with a gun in my face
And you want to disgrace my space
with what’s about to take place-
this time I'll fight back
118, 112, 104
Recede retire retreat
100… even…
Even if we’re not.

They are still there
Hips
Breasts
The downward spiral begins
Circling
Winding
D O W N
to 89
and things are fine
Nothing fits
Absent tits
Shrinking hips
But my mind slips
And trips…
No longer stable or able and
Euphoria
Takes over
I no longer feel the need to fade

Away